Be Still And Wait
by itslikenature
Summary: The pain of trying to hold onto someone's love is sometimes far greater than the pain of letting go. Will Jacob learn to let go, will he leave and never return, or will he learn to survive?
1. Tears In Your Pocket

Chapter One

"Jacob! Jacob! Where are you? I've got _something_ for you!"

I heard her voice like an angel beaconing me to heaven. She pulled me from my sea shore playground quite often with the sweet melody of her voice and I would always run, run to her. Even today, though the sun was caressing me with fingers of warmth as it brushed and tickled my back. Even though the white gulls with black tipped wings were singing their serenade just for me. Even though the sand felt nice under my bare feet, cool at first, then warm and hot as I moved away from the waters edge.

"Coming momma! Coming!"

"There you are. What's my little man doing?"

"I was down at the beach. I found a crab and this pretty shell. Do you want it?"

"Oooo. This one is pretty. Can I have it?"

"Sure momma. I got it for you."

"Well, little man. Come inside and see what I have for you. Let's hurry before your sisters get home."

"Mmm. It smells yummy in here. Whatcha baking?"

"I made cookies _just for you_. Help me take them out of the oven."

"My favorite, chocolate chip. Can I try one now?"

"No silly. They'll burn your sweet little mouth. We have to let the cool, for just a bit. But you can lick the spoon, _if you want?"_

"Can I? Can I? Mmm. This is good. Are the cookies cool yet?"

"Let me get you a glass of milk, then you can sit down and eat one. Okay?"

"Thanks momma. You're the best. RaeRae and Becka will be mad that I got one first, but I don't care. You like me best. Don't you momma?"

"Sh, sh. You know that's our secret little man."

"Don't worry momma. I won't tell _anybody."_

"_Cookies. Cookies. Mom. Where are you? I need you mom. I need you."_

There's nothing as comforting as a mother's arms wrapped around you and her warm reassuring smile. A smile for_ her little man_, but she wasn't here now, she couldn't help me. No one could. I had to face the fact that I was a real man now and with that realization; came the agony of life. Everything I wanted–needed, was just out of my reach. Almost able to touch it with my fingertips, then it would inch away, slowly.

"Jake. Jake. Don't move. It's me. Dr. Cullen. You need to lay very still, while I look at your injuries."

"What happened doc? Did we get all of 'em? Are they all gone now?"

"Yes. The newborns have all been taken care of. We could not have accomplished it without the help of you and the pack. We are forever grateful Jacob. Now this is going to hurt, but I have to move your arm."

"Oh crap that hurts! Stop! Stop!"

"Sam. Can you and some of the others come in here and hold him? I have to re-brake his arm and leg. They have already set in the wrong position."

"Are you sure that's necessary Cullen?"

"Yes Sam. It has to be done, or he will never be the same. He started healing before he transformed and the bones were in the wrong position."

I remember them laying their hands on me and every finger tip hurt like hell. I tried to scream them away from me as Dr. Cullen started breaking me up inside. Then it all went hazy as I faded back, back to my mom baking cookies for me when I was a kid. I liked it here. There was no pain, no heart break just me and my mom and the cookies.

"Jake. Can you hear me? It's me, your dad. Hey. Can you hear me?"

The bright colors of my memory faded with the sound of his voice, bringing me back to the cold grey reality of the world that I now lived in, suffered in. I opened my mouth, but it felt dry like it was full of cotton. I tried to lick my lips and coax the moisture to coat my mouth, but there was none.

In a hoarse whisper, I tried to force an answer. "Dad how long have I been out?"

"Son, it's been two days since you came home. You were really starting to worry me. How do you feel?"

"It hurts, but I'll survive. I've felt worse and those pains didn't leave scars on the outside."

"What are you talking about son?"

"Nothing dad. Have you...have you heard from _B....Bella?"_

Saying her name, hurt me almost as badly as the broken bones inside of me. I knew now that she was engaged to the _sorry bloodsucker_. But, I still had a tiny ember of hope that she.... What was I thinking? Did it matter that she let me kiss her this time? Did it matter that she and I shared, in that brief moment a lifetime of love? The way she felt against my chest, the taste of her lips on mine, the feeling of her relaxing into me and letting herself feel me, for once. Did any of that matter?

"Yeah son, she has wanted to come see you every day, but Sam and I told her to wait. You needed to start healing first and rest."

"Dad. I need to see her," I said, as I tried to move, so I could get up.

That wasn't such a good idea though. Sharp pains radiated down the left side of my body and sent waves of nausea washing over me. The braces were tight as they restrained me and held me together.

"Easy there. Easy. You're not going anywhere, not for at least a week, maybe longer. Dr. Cullen's orders. You have to keep those bones still, so you will heal up left. You do want to walk again? Don't you?"

"Yeah. I think I'll just lay here for a while. Dad. Can I have a glass of water? Please?"

He left me, there in the shadows of my lonely room with nothing but my thoughts. I closed my eyes and I could see her. I saw the outline of her small, delicate face smiling at me, so I smiled back. Her deep brown eyes looked into mine without tears this time. In my head there were no tears, only tenderness and love. The love, I longed so desperately for her to feel for me.

"Hey. You okay? How can you smile like that when you are in such bad shape?"

"Oh, it must be the drugs, making me feel things. The doc told me he was pumping me full of them so I wouldn't feel any pain. He did a good job, I feel like I'm floating on air," I lied.

"Well, don't go getting used to that son. You'll be back up and running in no time. Jake. I.....I just wanted to say......um....I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, dad. Thanks."

I raised up, as best as I could, took the glass of water with my good hand, and drank. It felt so good as it eased down my parched throat and washed the cotton away from my mouth. Then I settled back down and drifted off to sleep.

"Jacob! Time for bed. You know you have to get some sleep so you will grow to be big and strong like your daddy."

"But momma."

"No little man. No protests. It's off to bed."

"Momma will you sing my song tonight? Please?"

"Okay. Let me tuck you in. Now is that better? Close your eyes and I will sing. Keep those eyes closed. _'Godspeed little man, sweet dreams little man. Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels' wings, Godspeed sweet dreams. Godspeed sweet dreams.'_ Now you go to sleep and I will see you in the morning.

"Goodnight momma. I love you."

Warm, soft, wet, skin, filled my right palm. I stirred and peered down at her head nestled against my side, where she lay with her face in my hand. The light played with the color of her hair and I saw red tints in it as it glistened when I moved slightly to get a better look at her.

'How long had she been here,' I thought to myself? I didn't want her to move, I just wanted to be near her for as long as I could.

Slowly, she sighed and pulled her head up to look at me. Her beautiful face was streaked with white and red lines, where the tears had trailed down, pooling into my palm.

"Jake. Hey. How are....how do you feel," she whispered, with a raspy but soft voice?

"You came Bella. I'm glad you came."

Then neither of us spoke for the longest time. We simply looked into each others eyes, our gazes locked on the others, as if we were searching our souls or each others for answers. Finally, I closed my eyes and pushed my head deeper into my pillow. She gasped as I drew the curtains closed to my thoughts, like she needed to keep the connection open, so I could understand what she was feeling.

"Jake. I don't know what I would have done if...if...you hadn't come back to me. I don't think I could have survived," she said, as she began to sob. I opened my eyes and reached out to touch her face.

"Bella honey. I told you I would come back. Didn't I?"

She scooted closer to me on the bed, and placed her hand over mine as I held her cheek.

"Jake. I don't want you to hurt anymore, because of me. I can feel the pain seeping out of you and seeing you here, like this, weak and vulnerable, it just breaks my heart. And it's all because of me. I've done this to you."

"Bella. This was an accident. If Leah...."

"No. Jake. I'm not talking about you physically. Well, I am, but I mean.... I've done this to you. The one person who took me from broken to almost repaired. I have broken you and I can't stand it. To see you like this."

"Oh. Bella. Why didn't you see what was in front of you? It would have been so easy."

I turned to look away from her. I didn't want her to see the tears forming in my eyes. I wanted to be strong, not just for her, but for myself.

"I know. It would have been."

When she spoke, I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She turned her gaze to the window, where light was faintly filtering into the tiny room. She opened her mouth, hesitated for a moment, then spoke just barely above a whisper. Her voice sounded like the gentle breeze that brushes through the leaves of the trees in the forest on a spring day.

"You are part of me now. You touched me, with your kindness and love, so enchanted. Your soft lips are kind. Your eyes glow with life. I'm glad you touched me. You're part of me now."

I reached out and took a tear drop from her scalded cheek, then took one from mine, pressing them together. I placed my two fingers, still holding the mingled tears into her hand.

"When I was little and would cry, my mom would wipe a tear away and tell me 'I'm gonna put this tear in my pocket for another day'. That's what I want you to do Bella. Put these tears, mine and yours away for another day. You can know that whatever happens you–we, will have the memories of the times we shared together. Memories of the love we shared and the tears we shed."

"Oh Jake. How can I say goodbye? I know now that you are a part of me, I only wish I had known it sooner. Why, why, why does this have to be so hard," she sobbed, as she shoved her face into the sheets of my bed.

I ran my hand over her hair, smoothing it, as the trembles from her sobs shook me. It hurt as she jarred my broken body, but nothing hurt like the gaping whole that was tearing through my heart. I guess I knew now how she had felt all those months while _he_ was gone. It's strange that it was ending like this now, with the role reversal. But maybe, maybe it wasn't ending. I had seen a twinge of doubt cloud her eyes.

"Bells. Look at me. Hey. Look at me," I said softly, trying to get her to raise her head.

When she did, the torment in her eyes met that of what I felt in my chest. I still wasn't sure if what I had seen was real or just my imagination, so I was reaching, reaching for something more concrete to hold onto.

"You'll figure it all out. I know you will. You know what is best for you, here in your heart," I said, placing my hand on her chest.

She grabbed it and held it there, as if she wanted me to reach in and pull it out and say it belonged to me now, and there would be nothing she could do. But it wasn't that easy. She had to figure this out on her own.

Bending down, she hovered above my lips for a moment, then slowly, softly she kissed me. I felt our love course through me, one last time.

"I'm not going to say goodbye Jake. I just can't, not right now. Is that all right with you?"

"Sure, sure. I understand. I'll be here for a while, if you need to come back and talk."

That was the truth, so I might as well throw the idea out there, hoping she would catch on. Even if I had wanted to run, I couldn't, not yet anyway.

"I...love... you Jacob Black. You get better soon. Okay."

"I love you too, Bells. I'll see you around. Okay."

She shook her head, to indicate 'yes' then closed her eyes, as she slowly pulled my hand away from her chest, and lay it gently on my bed. Touching it one last time, she stood up, and walked out of my room.

As she closed the door, a part of me knew I was probably losing her, but I'd done everything I could.


	2. RunAWay

Chapter Two

Run-A-Way

The days seemed endless as they crept slowly by and I thought I was going to go out of my mind. The walls of my room began to close in on me and I felt like a caged animal.

Dr. Cullen came by every day to check on me and give me more medication. He said the progress I was making was amazing. He'd never seen anything like it before, but somehow, it didn't help. I just had to get up and get outside for some fresh air.

Finally, after eight days of being cooped up in my room, he said I could start moving around, as long as I kept the braces on for a few more days. I didn't care. I'd drag them anywhere, as long as I could get out of there for a while.

I was still very weak, when I got up for the first time. Much to my surprise, I had eaten very little over the past few days. That was a first for me, but food just didn't appeal to me right now. I had too much to think about.

Clumsily, I hobbled outside onto the front porch of our small house. Steading myself on my crutches, and letting my eyes adjust to the bright light, I took in my first full gulp of fresh salty air. It stung my throat a bit, but it didn't matter, it felt good.

As I made my way, ever so slowly, down to the beach I thought, 'funny how a person can go to the same place all their life and see the same things every day, but then when it's almost taken away from them, they see things from a totally different perspective.'

The sky was bluer than I'd ever seen it before. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks, as I got nearer to the water, was so like the roar of a steam engine. The call of the gulls above me, sounded sharp and clear, and the taste of the salt in the air was refreshing. I made it down to the shore and managed to maneuver myself down onto the sand. I lay back and started soaking up the warm rays of sunshine that I had been missing.

Missing. I'd put the thought of Bella as far back in the corners of my mind as I could, for the past few days, but now they came flooding back to me. She hadn't called, or been back to see me since the day she left, _without saying goodbye._

I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with her right now. Was she happy with herself? Was he making her happy, like she had wanted, when he had left? Had she even been thinking about me? I didn't know and had a feeling that I might not ever know.

My thoughts were abruptly disturbed by the huff of a body as it plopped down beside me.

"So. You finally broke out of your jail cell, did you," Leah asked, in a weird sort of way?

"Yeah. I was ready to tear down the walls with my bare hands. A person can only stand something so long and then....," I trailed off, not sure what I might have said next, but knowing that it was probably leading to Bella.

"So, how do you feel?"

"I'm better. It's not so bad now."

"No. Jake. I know you're healing from the injuries. I mean how are you _really feeling?"_

"Leah. I don't want to talk about that right now. I just got outside for the first time in days and I'd like to be alone. If you don't mind?"

"It doesn't stop hurting, you know. It just scabs over, but you occasionally rub the scab off, sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose, to see what's underneath. But it's still there, hurting all the same."

"Thanks for the pep talk. It _really _cheered me up. Now can you leave. Please?"

Having Leah here, with her cynical remarks was not what I needed, or wanted. I didn't care how much she thought she was helping.

Seeing that she had not intentions of leaving, I got to my feet, pulled my crutches up under my arms and slowly worked my way back home.

"You got some mail today," my dad called, as I came into the house.

I wondered why he had that strange look on his face, as he handed me the stark white pearl textured envelope.

"Since when did you start opening my mail," I said, pulling my eyebrows down in a scowl?

"Well. This is my house and what comes and goes here is my business."

I didn't like where this conversation was heading. I didn't want to blow up at my dad, but he was getting on my nerves today.

I looked down at the fancy envelope and slid the insert out. As I did, the heavy cardstock cut into my finger and drops of blood oozed onto the paper. The dark red color of my blood, mixed with the stark white of the cardstock, made my heart stop.

I knew what this was the moment I saw it in his hand. So why was I opening it like an idiot? I wiped my blood, the best I could, from the face of the invitation and it smeared across the name _Isabella Marie Swan_. I let out a dry chuckle, as I thought, 'how fitting. Now I'm even bleeding for her.'

I glanced over the _all to formal invitation_, knowing that Bella had nothing to do with this, but the sheet of linen-like paper that fell out from between the folded cardstock, was what caught my eye.

The handwriting was almost a cross between calligraphy and script and I knew it was Edward's.

Jacob,

I am writing this to thank you for all you have done for Bella. Please know that she is unaware of this invitation being sent to you, but I know that she would want you have the opportunity to come. You mean more to her than I care to admit.

Edward

I crumpled the note from him up in my hand and thought about burning it, but my dad was staring at me, with a look of sheer concern. I hadn't noticed that my hands were shaking, until the phone rang. My dad answered the phone with a weary voice, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Hello. Yes he's here. I'm not sure he want's to speak to you, but I'll ask. Jake. Do you want to speak with Bella?"

Closing my eyes, trying to control the heat that was threatening to overtake me, I took a deep breath, then another, and another. Reaching out, I took the receiver into my hand and tentatively moved it to my ear.

"Yes," was the only word I could muster.

Then I listened, with my eyes closed, as she fumbled for what to say. I didn't understand why she was calling. Hadn't the invitation been enough? Oh, but I forgot, he said in the note that she didn't know it was being sent. '_Right,'_ I thought, sarcastically.

"Fine. What do you mean, 'why am I being so cold?' Don't you get it Bella? Don't you understand? Why won't you just listen to your heart for once? I love you Bella and that's not going to change," I screamed into the receiver.

I didn't even care that my dad was there, watching me, listening to my outburst of anger. I didn't care about any of it anymore. Slamming the phone against the wall, I felt the heat and rage consuming me. I was going to run now, as far away from here, from her, as I could.

"Jake. Jake. Calm down. I know you're hurting, but we can talk about this. Jake! Where are you going? I can see the look in your eyes, that your leaving. Don't Jake. Jake! Well, before you go, at least listen to me. If your grandfather were here, he would have said, 'when you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists–as it surely will. Then act with courage.' I love you son."

Those were last words I heard, as I pulled off the braces, throwing them across the room, and stumbled out the door. I made it to the tree line, before I let it take me. My clothes lay behind me in shreds and my body ached from the stress on my healing bones, but I was free now.

_What was it my dad said, about grandfather, 'when you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists – as it surely will. Then act with courage.'  
_

_Doubt, mist, what the hell did all that crap mean? Old men and their so-called wisdom. I don't need them. I don't need anyone. It's just me now. I am the wolf._

I ran until the last rays of sun faded into the shadows of the trees. I was tired and needed some sleep, so I found a nice, soft mound of tall green grass, and curled up for the night. Wolves are mostly nocturnal by nature, but I needed to rest for now. My injuries were still tender and my body ached, but this was a good thing, because it kept my heart from aching quite as much.

I had just settled down, trying to lose myself in sleep, when their thoughts invaded my solitude.

_Leave me alone!_ I shouted, in my mind.

Then I tried, as hard as I could, to shut my mind, so I wouldn't have to listen to them. But they wouldn't go away. Their voices swirled around me like the ghosts of my ancestors, howling and barking their concern in my mind.

_Jake, are you okay, _Leah asked?

_Jake. Man come back home. Everyone is really worried about you. We can help you through this, _Embry said.

_We need you here Jake. Your father needs you._ Sam spoke, with a tone of authority.

On and on they continued until well into the night, but I refused to budge. I wouldn't answer them, nor would I think about anything, except the darkness around me, until finally I succumbed to much needed sleep.

This routine went on for several days and I had remained successful in keeping them all out of my head, but things started to change. They were now telling me what was happening back home, but not asking me to come back.

I made a habit of listening, now and then, but still didn't want to respond. When I wanted time to reflect, I would phase, then, alone there in the forest, my only companions the small animals scurrying to and fro, I'd think about her.

Sometimes I'd find myself laughing, as I remembered our jokes about who was oldest, because of some deed we'd accomplished, or how funny she looked sometimes when she tried to figure out which part went where on whatever contraption I was building or repairing at the time. We'd had it all together. Laughter, happiness, warmth, and the kind of love the only comes along once in a life time. It was just too bad that she didn't take notice, when it would have mattered.

Then there were days that I felt more mature than others, and I would reflect on the last words of wisdom my dad had given me. Yeah, I know. I know, I said I didn't need that crap, but it doesn't hurt to think about things, when you're alone.

So I tried to digest what he had said. '_When you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists– as it surely will. Then act with courage.'_

I understood the 'doubts' part now a little better. That is why I ran. I doubted everything from Bella, to myself, to who I was. 'Be still and wait', that is what I was doing now. I had to get to a point where I knew where I was going with things. I had to find the courage to either remain the wolf, forever, or go back and face life as it was dealt.

'The mists, the mists,' hum. This must be the heaviness I feel in my heart. The feeling of loss, of regret, of need. Would I ever reach the point there would be sunshine in my life again that would dispel the mists? He said, 'be still and wait.' I could do that, for now, I had no where else to go.

Days passed and my periods of contemplation continued. This is how I held onto my humanity because, deep down, I wasn't entirely ready to give it up, yet.

Morning had broken, and the day was particularly beautiful. I noticed, as I lay down, that the sun beamed through the trees like a shiny new sword, reaching straight down to the ground. The dew sparkled like jewels on the leaves all around me. This put me in a better mood than most days, so I decided to listen and see if anyone was out running today.

_Jake. I know you can hear me, if you will. It's been days now, since we heard from you and things, well things are changing around here. I'm not sure exactly what is going on, but I will tell you what I do know._

There was a pause as Embry ran into the forest near La Push. I saw the familiar flashes of scenery as he moved swiftly to a quiet spot, then stopped.

_After you left, Bella came down here. She was so torn up Jake. I think she was worse than she ever was when the bloodsucker left her. You know before, she sort of suffered silently, but when she found out you had gone, and that he had sent the invitation to you... Man, she fell apart. I was there when Billy told her and it hurt me, to see her like that. She screamed and cried for hours. Jake, I thought she was dying. Billy put his arms around her, trying to talk to her, but nothing worked._

My heart was racing now. I wasn't sure how I felt about this new information, but I wasn't getting my hopes up, I knew where that could lead me. So I just waited, to see if he continued, but I refused to respond.

_I tried talking to her, and we finally got her to settle down, she went into your room and closed the door. Jake. She spent the night in your bed. Billy called Charlie and tried to fill him in, the best he could, without the wolf details, and told him she would be fine staying there for the night, that he didn't want her driving in that condition. Oh. I gotta go for now Jake. I hope you were listening. I'll try to fill you in more tomorrow._

What? Wait? No. Don't think, don't think. I gotta phase. I didn't want to process this while there was a chance that someone else would hear me.


	3. Going Back

Chapter Three

Going Back

************************************

I realize that this is a short story, but I wanted to write something that dealt with some of the emotions Jake felt in a spot where the book left us wondering.

************************************

The brightness of the day enveloped me, as I phased and sat down to think about what Embry had shared. It hurt to think that Bella was so upset because of me, but on the other hand, it made me feel good that she cared that much.

I wondered how my dad had handled Bella's emotional breakdown, when he was probably a basket case already not knowing if I was coming back. He's strong though, I was sure he could handle whatever came his way.

After a day with not much sleep, I hunted, ate what I could, then I roamed the forest, trying to keep the thoughts from forming in my mind.

The next morning I was surprised to hear Embry again.

_Jake. I hope you're listening. I wanted to pick up where I left off yesterday. Bella got up the next morning and talked with Billy for a while. He said she shared many things with him, and that now he understood what she was going through, but he hasn't elaborated on what she said. He told her she was welcome to stay as long as she liked, and even talked with Charlie. _

Embry paused, again running to the same spot as yesterday, then continued with his thoughts.

_So for the next few days, Bella spent most of her time down here. Every day she would come down, talk with Billy for a while, maybe cook him a bite to eat, then she would go to your room and close the door. Billy says he finds her curled up in your bed, asleep. He figures this is her way of dealing with you being gone. We have all tried to talk to her, but she's not ready to talk yet._

He was silent for a while and I thought I could sense someone else just briefly, but then they faded back out again.

_Yesterday...yesterday I think I made some progress with her though. She had just pulled up when I got to your house. I asked if she would walk down to the beach with me. She looked longingly toward the beach, then finally agreed to go for a few minutes. As we walked, I told her she might feel better if she would talk about things. _

I noticed Embry seemed to hesitate, like he was rearranging things in his head before he continued.

_I watched her as she walked. Her features were so sad, her eyes lonely and lost, like there was something missing. I wanted to help her, no, I want to help her. We talked in general about a few things, then she asked if we had heard from you. Jake. I know now why you loved her so much. She's a really good person. I'll be honest, even though I probably shouldn't, I wanted to hold her and make her pain go away. I guess she sort of has that affect on you. _

He waited a few minutes, I guess to see if I would respond, but I clamped my teeth together and baulked.

_I'm gonna keep trying to help her Jake. I know she needs someone. Oh, there's something else. She seems to be spending all this time here, I know part of it is because it makes her feel closer to you, but I think she's also trying to get away from him. You know the bloodsucker. I haven't asked what's going on yet, but I think something is up. Hope you caught all of this. I'll try to check back in tomorrow. We miss you Jake. Take care._

I phased. I had to think about what he'd told me again. She missed me. She was lonely. Yeah, I felt it too. I missed our time together talking about things and growing closer. Then I thought about his speculations with the bloodsucker and couldn't help but wonder what _was _going on, but I tried not to get worked up about that, because I was very concerned with Embry's tone, just how _close_ was he to this whole situation anyway?

I paced back and forth for a long time, trying to put all the pieces together, then I left it at that, found a place to rest, phased again, and tried to get some sleep.

That night, I went about my new routine, hunting, eating, and trying not to think, but I was anxious to see what Embry had to say the next morning. But, morning came and went with nothing.

The next couple of days were the same and still no word on what was going on back home. Should I care? It seemed to me that Bella had made her choice and so had I, but then my dad's words kept haunting me _have courage, have courage._

Three days had passed with no word from Embry, so on the fourth, I waited with bated breath. Just around sunrise, I heard him phasing, then saw the familiar flashes as he ran to his spot to try and reach me.

_Jake. Um. I'm sorry I haven't...you know, tried to reach you for a few days, but things are... Well, let me start here. After the day I asked Bella to go to the beach with me, I guess she figured it would hurt the same, whether she was at your house or at the beach, so when I went to check on her day before yesterday, she was at the beach, sitting on a blanket in the sand, reading a book. _

He didn't think anything for a long while. I could tell he was struggling with something, but didn't quite know what.

_Jake. She was so absorbed in her reading that she didn't hear me approach. I startled her as I sat down beside her, then she turned back to the pages and began reading aloud. 'My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be: and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.' It was Wuthering Heights, you know. _

He was silent for a few minutes and I could feel his inner turmoil and knew this was hard for him.

_When she started sobbing and told me that you were her Heathcliff and that she couldn't exist without you, I held her Jake. I took her in my arms and held her, letting her sob on my chest, until she cried herself to sleep. I gently took the book from her hands and read the passage again. I have to say that it fits the two of you perfectly. She's torn between you and Edward, torn between the strange sort of love, or should I say hold he has over her, and torn between you, her soul mate, the one she is a part of._

It was I who broke the silence. My chest heaved and my mind was ragged with these revelations.

_Embry. I just...._

_Jake. Are you okay? Man it's so good to hear you. _

I didn't know what to say, but I knew that I was getting closer to going back, but to what? Back to the way things were before? Back to open old wounds or face new ones?

_Jake. I hate to bring this up, but you know the date of the wedding is coming up in a week? Well. I have been trying to put all of this together and did some checking, on my own. I thought, how can Bella be getting ready for a wedding if she is in La Push every day? So, I dropped down by the Cullens house, unofficially of course, and it looks like they're moving out. I'm not sure, but I think the wedding may be off. I'll see what else I can dig up and let you know._

_Thanks Embry, _was all I could come up with, then I phased and started walking.

What was going on? Were the Cullens leaving? Had Bella called off the wedding? If only I had the answers. And Embry. I know he was trying to help, but _holding Bella?_ I wasn't sure I could take much more. My decision, the one that would inevitably affect the rest of my life, was nearer with every word from Embry.

I couldn't sleep with all that was going on in my mind, so I walked to the nearby creek and sat down to listen to the water running over the rocks and try to collect my thoughts. Hours passed, and I found my mind traveling in circles. Every thought always brought me back to her.

Later that afternoon, I was able to take a nap for a few hours, then I hunted during the night and trying to tell myself that I was hungry. I knew I had to eat to keep up my strength, but knowing that didn't help very much.

When morning finally came creeping in, I was wearing a path where I walked the forest floor, pacing back and forth, waiting for news, any news.

_Jake, I hope your listening this morning. Yesterday I went and talked with Bella. I told her we needed to know what was going on, not just for your sake, but for the packs as well. I thought if I put it that way, she might be more compelled to tell us what happened. So, tonight she has wants to meet with the pack. I have a feeling she's going to give us some much needed answers. Oh, and Jake. I'm...I'm not sure how much more I can take. This is so hard, seeing her like this, and feeling so helpless. She needs you and I know you need her too. You belong together, don't forget that. Listen tonight just before sundown._

I didn't bother phasing, he hadn't given me much to go on, but I found myself starting to wander, strangely enough, back toward home, not at a fast pace, just a mindless motion, that was leading me back in that direction.

I stopped short, just a few miles outside of La Push and tried to get some rest. It was hardly any use, however, I was too restless, so I waited. The day stretched on and on and I thought the sun would never fade.

I must have dozed off, and thought that I was dreaming, when I suddenly saw her face in my mind. As I focused, I realized it wasn't a dream, it was real. Then I picked up on the fact that Bella was with the pack and they were circled around her in a clearing, near First Beach.

I saw her clearly through each pair of eyes. Seeing her from their prospective, made me realize just how beautiful she was. It had been over a month since we had last seen each other and my heart ached as I watched them watching her.

When she began to speak, I sat up and realized that I had been holding my breath. I was panting now, trying to gather a few gasps of much needed oxygen, as I listened intently to what she was saying.

"_You've all been such good friends to me during the past few weeks. I'll never be able to thank you for all you've done, especially you, Embry. I know at first it was hard for you to understand what was going on knowing that it was my fault that Jake left. But I never told him goodbye and I had no idea that they were sending out the invitations."_

I could see that Bella had shifted her attention mostly to Embry, and seemed to be speaking directly to him. My guess is that she was trying to communicate directly with me, through him.

"_When I left that day, while Jake was still recovering from his injuries, I knew I had found my place and it was with him. But, I didn't know exactly how to get out of the mess I had gotten into."_

I saw the tears trickle down her pale cheeks in the light from a nearby fire that they probably built to help keep her warm. But the tears didn't stop her.

"_I did love Edward once, before he left, but when he came back, I couldn't stop thinking about Jake. Jake had become the center of my life, of my world, and when he was almost killed, I knew I couldn't be without him. I finally told Edward that I belonged with Jake and that I had found my other half, the person who completed me. He never told me about the invitations. He told me I deserved to be happy and that he might check in some day to see how I was. Then, when I got to La Push, I found out that Jake was gone."_

She sniffled a few times, then wiped the tears from her face still staring into Embry's eyes. I could see him move closer to her, and lay his head on her lap. She stroked his long brown fur, and rubbed her hand over his ears. That's all it took. I was running toward home within minutes.

"_Jake. I hope you can hear me. I want you to know that I'm lost without you. My world is so dark without the sun, my sun to light my way."_

I hadn't realized how close I was, so it only took me about fifteen minutes to reach them. I phased when I got closer, and walked into the circle they had formed around Bella.

There she was warm, alive, and with a heart that was beating. Neither of us said a word, as we wrapped our arms around the other. When we finally broke apart, I looked at my friends, my family, my pack, and thanked them for keeping an eye on her. Embry nudged me with his head and looked into my eyes.

"Thanks Embry. I might not have come back if it hadn't been for you."

He barked a laugh then they were all gone, disappearing into the shadows of the night. Bella and I stayed by the fire and she spread a blanket out on the ground. She sat down and motioned for me to join her.

Once on the blanket, we lay back and she snuggled into my arms. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else, didn't want to be anywhere else, than right here, with her in my arms.

"Jake. Let me lie in the curve of your body tonight. I want to hear you tumble into sleep. I want to watch you heal, I'll watch you heal with me. Then tomorrow I will sing you morning lullabies."

I didn't know quite what to say. She had me choked up with what she had just said to me. I looked down at her and pulled her even closer. So, that night we held each other, as we began to heal together.

We've never been apart, from that day forward, and we were married a year after I came back. Things couldn't have worked out better, not just for us, but for everyone in the pack. With the threat of vampires out of the way, things had settled down for us all.

Sam and Emily got married, shortly after I came back and have one little boy, and are expecting another baby soon. Sam stopped phasing after his son was born and I became the alpha leader of the pack.

Just before Bella and I got married, Embry met the girl of his dreams, Maria. They've been a steady item, and if I know Embry, he's probably going to ask her to marry him any day now.

Quil hasn't found the girl of his dreams yet, but he's looking high and low for her. I don't think he's had a weekend off from dating in months. That's Quil for you.

As for the others, they've all gone on with their lives. Leah stopped phasing and went off to college. Seth is getting ready to graduate from high school and has a steady girl friend. Paul and my sister hit it off when she came home for a summer break from college, so it looks like I may have another brother-in-law someday. And Jared works at the store on the rez and has worked his way up to assistant manager. He has high hopes of someday owning the little store.

That brings us up to date with everyone, except Bella. She's doing great even though she's seven months pregnant with our baby. Our baby, I still can't get used to that. Yes and every morning she still sings me morning lullabies, just like she promised that night by the fire and I hope that never changes.

So I guess that my grandfather's words of wisdom did some good after all.

"_When you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists– as it surely will. Then act with courage."_

I'm glad now that I listened to those words so long ago and that I found the courage to go back and face my life. When I came back, I found the sunlight. It's funny how Bella has always said I was her sun, her own personal sun, when in fact we make the sunlight when we are together.

_THE END._

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I felt that it was only appropriate to give credit where credit was due for the inspirations that helped me write this fanfiction. First there was my mom who used to put my tears in her pocket when I was a little girl to save them for another day, secondly the words of wisdom from Jake's grandfather were actual written by Ponca Chief White Eagle (1800's to 1914), it's amazing what you can find on the internet, thirdly Emily Bronte for "Wuthering Heights," need I say more, and lastly I love the song "Morning Lullabies" by Ingrid Michaelson and felt that they added a nice touch to Jake and Bell's reunion. I hope you enjoyed this bitter sweet story as much as I did. Thanks for reading.


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